Feb 17, 2009
I'm so sorry
that I'm doing this so miserably but I am placing myself under God's hand and in fellowship with other believers and I'm confessing my sin and asking for help and I know that HE is faithful. I feel like I need to hold on to my sin, (reading drinking too much alcohol and smoking and anything and everything that I can do so that I don't hurt so much) to medicate if needed. Please pray for me that I can be released from this once again. Yeah, I suck!!! I need God's grace day by day to get through and this is just becoming increasingly more evident as I struggle to do it (life) in my own strength. Why do I have to be so stubborn? and why do I turn everywhere but God? I feel like it reminds me too much of Ren to turn to God and it hurts too much to be reminded of such a beautiful but ugly, bitter yet sweet time. What is God accomplishing in my life? I'm so tired of my sin.
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Hi Ruth,
ReplyDeleteI'd hug you if I could. When did you lose Ren? I suppose that info is somewhere in your blog, but maybe you could point me to the post.
Are you saying that you are drinking and smoking? I'll admit, I'm probably drinking far too much wine these days. I'd like to try to conceive soon, but I'd have to give up my wine! :) I'm not sure if I'm more serious than joking when I say that.
Is is Renner's name that Carly wrote where the seagull was flying overhead?
What I did for the Honest Scrap was I simply dragged the picture to my desktop. Then, within my post, I uploaded the pic from my desktop. It was easier than I thought. Do you also know how to create links? It's a learning process for me as well, so let me know if I can point you in the right direction.
One more thing - are you a part of Butterfly Haven? I believe the address is www.butteflyhaven.org. If that doesn't work, I have it listed under resources on my blog. It's a very nice group of women, offering support through our grief.
I'll be praying for you. We'll make a pact to not be too hard on ourselves, eh?