spiraling downward

so totally losing it, feeling very depressed, what to do, can't handle this. . .donnie is gone now monday through friday in the city, we miss him and it is probably not what we need right now. . .trying to decide what to do with our life, do we need to make changes, in the face of a bad economy, do we quit and job that is well paying with good benefits to do something that in the long run will benefit us? couldn't get a run in today and really, really, really needed to, get very anxious without it and do bad things like smoke and drink, wtf!!! feeling very overwhelmed by lifes business, too many outings and obligations, too much trying to squeeze in my marathon training, just want to quit, just want to quit life. . . i have all these things that i want and need to accomplish to feel like a person worth living and am very slowing plugging away at these details but i feel like i'm failing, what is the purpose, i don't want this to be my life. . .very frustrated! WHY!!!