under the tree, my fourth entry

Finally, I am caught up with my under the tree entries, now just to figure out how to link them. I miss you-all and now I feel like I can contribute again, this was hanging over me, I know, Ruth, let it go, not life-threatening, I have so much to learn in the blogging world. I need to do this tho and it is so helpful to have a place to just be me, a grieving mother who really misses her son. Today at work, there was a patient who came in just for labs and a port flush. We had talked several years ago and she even went to my church for a time and then I had had her take picture of my second pregnancy since she offered since she does photography for wedding and wanted to build up mer maternity portfolio and so today she was like how are the kids? and I had to tell her, UGH!!! Oh, my son died. He didn't make it. We had to let him go. His brain was not functioning. He was nonviable. I'm fine. It just SUCKS!!! Yeah, so on to some lighter things. . .

A few things:
Hair color: dirty or dark blonde, gets highlights in the summer sun if I'm not spending the entire summer in the hospital like last summer, ugh!
Eye color: blue
Profession: Oncology Certified Registered Nurse and MOM to Helen and Renner, wife to my Donnie
Relationship status: married over 10 years now, wow


My Favs:
Color: to wear, black, but i love all color
Movie: Princess Bride? I don't know if I have a fav. . .
Animal: ? my dogs. . .
Store: probably the GAP, I know, how lame, I need to get a life, ok, maybe the ethnic grocery stores
Childhood memory: the ones my sister play over and over again. I don't remeber much of my own. They are always reinacting.
Hobby: Running?
Song/Singer: Held byt Natalie Grant and Enough by Barlow Girls. Godspeed by Dixiechix, anything on Megans playlist, or Carly's playlist, I am not very original, that's for sure.
Book/Author: CRAZY LOVE by Francis Chan and of course, Wally Lamb, he is nuts good and Snowflower and the Secret Fan, by Lise See, too many, I love to read and have read a ton of great books.
School subject: none, I hate school!
Vacation destination: Anyplace with a beach!!!
Food: pretty much anything and everything, I love food, esp. Mexican and Italian.
Restaurant: Anything that my husband cooks and Panera.


This and that:
Coke or Pepsi: COKE!
Coffee or Tea: BOTH and esp. Soy Latte from Starbucks, I'm a drinker so pretty much everything!
Apple juice or OJ: OJ, with pulp!
Summer or Winter: Summer, love the sweat dripping between my cleav but nothing like the first snowfall too.
Cats or dogs: DOGS, I have 2 chocolate labs, almost & years old, Maxxwell George and Chloe Marie.
Salty or sweet: Salty, like potatoe chips but also LOVE Snickers Bars
Plane or Boat: I love flying and haven't really had much time on a boat since we are not boat people even tho my husband would love it if we were but $$$, I just love going anywhere, anyhow, anytime.
Morning or night: Both, esp. since Ren died, I am more of a night person now, were as before I used to love the morning.
Money or love: LOVE, obviously!
Breakfast or dinner: BOTH!! and sometimes breakfast for dinner and visaversa
Forgiveness or revenge: Forgiveness!
House or apartment: House, altho' I think it just depends on your circumstances
Like to cook: anything but my husband always takes over


Have you ever:
Got a speeding ticket: MANY!!! the most recent just a couple of months ago, I have a lead foot, almost got my license taken from me but by the grace of God, did not.
Wished you were someone else: All the time, esp. when I'm not satisfied with my life and not being content but I am growing in contentment.
Cried during a movie: All the time but most recently, SOBBED during My Sister's Keeper, had read the book and didn't think that the movie would be good with the actors that they had casted but it was actually VERY good and I really needed the emotional release and the opportunity to grieve as a mom letting her child go.
Describe self in one word: CRAZY!
Biggest Fear: having another child die before me or be born with disabilities, and get this, I am very shallow, so being and staying FAT, ugh, now you know how shallow I am.
Biggest Mistake: This is hard. I have many regrets, esp. related to my previous out of control drinking habit. I have also many times, opened mouth, inserted foot. I fortuantely am just a forgiven sinner at the foot of the cross, down on my knees as God's streams of grace flow down on me.
Your proudest accomplishment: besides Helen and Renner and my marriage but all three of these things are really just gifts from God that I do not deserve, so running and completing my first marathon October 2007 on a hot day, ran it in 4hours and 10 min, approx. I was geeked out!
Dream Job: I think that I would really like to work in an ER but we will see. I really love not sorking that much right now and just being mom to Helen. I would also really like to take my nursing overseas and work in the mission field in for example an AIDS clinic.
Special Talents: Being Crazy and LOUD! The life of the party!?
Where would I rather be at this moment: holding my Renner, nursing him, or on the BEACH!!!relaxing.
Famous person you would want to meet: Mother Teresa or Florence Nightingale or Jesus or more time with my grandparents or my son. . .
Song to be played at my funeral: The Lord is my Shepherd, Abide with me, In Christ Alone, Begone Unbelief, Too many, I love singing! Grace upon Grace falls down, falls down, throught the precious blood of Christ.