i had forgotten his sweet beautiful precious innocent time

I received this entry on Renner's guestbook yesterday and it reminded me of the precious time I spent with my son in the NICU before I knew. Holding him there in that blue recliner in our pod with a window view, a small slice of the world as the summer passed by. I had such good times with him and with the other ladies (esp. Michelle, Susan, Julie and Barb) that God brought into my life, to care for ren and me.

Ruth, Donnie, Helen and little Angel Renner,
I think of your family often and wanted to share this with you...I thought it was a perfect testament to what Renner's short life meant to so many of us...It is lengthy, but well worth the read :o)
This is a story that I wanted to share about how God chooses to use His children."Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart...""You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted.The surgeon looked up, annoyed. "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, "to see how much damage has been done...""But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," said the boy.The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. "When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up and I'll plan what to do next.""But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well.""You'll find Jesus too. He lives there."The surgeon left.The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:," here he paused, "death within one year." He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here and they will know peace and My flock will continue to grow."The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?"The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for he has done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb."The surgeon wept. The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?""Yes," said the surgeon."What did you find?" asked the boy."I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.
Thank you to your family & little Angel Renner for helping show me, again, how powerful & wonderful God's love is...May God bless you always as you continue to do his work.


I know that there is a reason for all this. I so strongly felt God's presence then and now I need to open the door of my heart and loosen my grip on trying to control my grief and everythingelse around me. I had to operate on automatic for a while to recuperate but I feel strongly now that I was trying too hard on my own and that is not where God wants me. Please pray that He will melt the bitterness and saddness from my heart and fill me with His peace and joy.